the sometimes senseless ravings (and the occassional rant) of an aspiring marine ecologist who may enjoy killing things a little too much

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Happy 6th of July!

I'm only a couple days late...

And I am also losing my damn mind. I want to tell you all about it, but I'm too pissed off. And generally a mess. Seriously. An unbelievable mess. That is me. My mom spent the past two weeks in the hospital, so that's part of it. The hospital was full of incompetent idiots that I want to smack. That's another part of it. But that's not even the half of it.

I'm full of so many conflicting emotions right now that I don't really know what I'm feeling, to be honest. Suffice it to say that I have an even shorter fuse than usual and all of the little things that have annoyed me even slightly over the past year or so are bugging me again times 1,000. So I'm scared and pissed off and worried and frustrated and selfish and hateful and full of love all at the same time. It is not a nice way to feel. Right now I'm mostly pissed off. But give me 5 seconds, and something else might take over.

I sort of want to talk about it. But mostly I don't. I don't know what I want. I can't be still. I can't concentrate on anything. I need to be distracted. I need to be grounded. I don't need offers of "help" that are really just people saying they don't want me around. No, I don't need anyone take Max off my hands for a while. He's the only thing keeping me from completely falling apart right now.

I need some people to butt the hell out and others to step up and be there for me. I hate this. God, I am such a mess right now.

So I've decided I don't really want to tell you what's going on. I just needed to rant a little.

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