I Know I'm a Psycho Bee-otch Sometimes...

But I'd like to think that I'm not a completely ungrateful one (more on that in a bit). And also? I REALLY need a break from my in-laws for a while. We have seen them so many times lately (EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND for at least 5 weeks plus a few times during the week) that I am quickly reaching my breaking point. And guess what? They want to come over again TODAY. Do they not know that it's Friday and NOT a holiday? Actually, they wanted to come over and get Max and take him to the Bass Pro Shop (which, incidentally, is BETWEEN their house and ours and probably about 30-40 minutes from our house). Shall I say "WTF?" Um, yeah. I shall. WTF?

We've already been through all of this. So suffice it to say that I'm a possessive psycho bitch who flat out refuses to let ANYONE take her toddler away from her. Even if it's his grandparents and only for a couple of hours. I'm sure it's crossed your mind that perhaps I wouldn't react so defensively to the idea of my own mother taking Max shopping without me (or Chad). That perhaps it's only my MIL who brings out the crazy bitch in me. The answer is I don't know. Because my mom? Has not foisted her presence upon us with mind-blowing frequency or ever taken it upon herself to walk off with Max without a word to at least one of his parents in a public place, and I really don't think it has ever crossed her mind to come over and take Max off somewhere without us. She has invited us (all of us) to go somewhere when she wanted to take Max somewhere. So excuse me if I think that's the way things SHOULD be (add a healthy dose of snark to that statement).

Now for the "I'm not ungrateful" bit. We went to the zoo with Chad's parents last weekend. And they kindly paid for our admission as well as theirs. They also bought us lunch. I acknowledged these generous acts and thanked them sincerely for it. But if they think that paying for zoo admission and lunch makes it all right for them to hog my child on his first trip to the zoo (not to mention carry him off to see the tigers for the first time and leave our diaper-bag-lugging, stroller-navigating asses in the dust OMG WTF) then I'd rather pay for everything myself. And yes, they DID take Max to get his first glimpse of a real live tiger without me. When we've been reading animal picture books in preparation for his first trip to the zoo to see them in real life. Hello, steam coming from my ears.

You might wonder how it is that my in-laws manage to sneak off with my kid in public places with such alarming regularity. You see, they're tricky about it. At Frank's wedding, for instance, Chad and I were sitting down to eat, and his dad was standing up with Max behind us while we ate (because the Max, he likes for you to stand up when you hold him. Otherwise he wants down). Then we turn around and they're GONE. We scan the room, and they're NOWHERE. OMG, WHO DOES THAT? He couldn't have said, "Oh hey, I see a co-worker, I'm going to take Max over and say hi." Nope. He just walks away like it's not a big deal at all that we're at a crowded wedding reception and he just walks out to the parking lot with my baby without telling anyone. So I'm freaking out a little bit, searching the whole room then the bathrooms then outside behind the reception hall where some people were mingling before seeing them walking back from the parking lot. So I tell him that is NOT OKAY, I require a bit of common courtesy when it comes to this sort of thing (if not asking permission to take my kid out of my sightline, then at least a heads-up that it is happening). Otherwise, I FREAK THE HELL OUT. Because I don't know where my kid is. Gah. I get a smile and nod and half-hearted apology. Problem solved.

Or not. Because when we went out to lunch for Mothers Day, he did it again! GAHHH! He's all, "Let Grandpa tote you to the car for Mommy" to Max. And I'm all, "Fine, whatever." So he gets Max out of the highchair while I'm putting his crayons and sippy cup back in the diaper bag, and I turn around and once again, they're gone. And when we get to the front of the restaurant, where we can see Chad's truck, they're not there either. Because once again he saw someone he knew and followed them to their car (in the lot on the side of the restaurant) and didn't bother to tell anyone. Gah. See, the way it usually happens when we go out to the eat with them is that Chad's dad will take Max out of the highchair and wait for us to gather our things, and we all walk outside together. I really hate this new 'taking Max and disappearing' act they have going. Because Chad's mom always manages to disappear with them, but they never bother to say a word about it to Chad or me.

Then there's the whole zoo fiasco. Not to mention the "we really want to take your baby and raise it ourselves" seeds that were planted years ago when Chad's mom was pressuring us to have a baby (like, a week after our wedding). When I told her I most definitely was not ready for a baby at that point in my life she said, "You can just have the baby, and I'll raise it." I am not joking. Those were her exact words. I don't actually know if she was joking or not. My gut says not. So I am obviously not the only crazy person in this family.

So maybe all that has something to do with my gut reaction to their incessant desire to take Max off without me (or Chad). You know, that instinctual response that says "NO!" Well, all those incidents plus the little seeds they're planting in Max's mind that say "Grandma and Grandpa are better than Mommy and Daddy. If Mommy and Daddy do something you don't like, even if it's for your own good, you can call us and we'll take you away" probably contribute to my wanting to keep Max with me, or at least in one place when he's being baby-sat.

After all that negativity, now I'll leave you with a picture of Max seeing sheep for the first time.

Grandparents

i guess the first thing i need to say today is that, when it comes to max, i am kind of a crazy control freak. i don't know if that's normal, and i don't care. i should also say that chad and i grew up in very different ways. his grandmother lived with them when he was little, and pretty much his whole family lived 5 minutes (or less) away. so maybe it was normal for his grandparents to treat him like their own child instead of their grandchild.

when i was little, my grandparents were about an hour away, which is close enough to see them often and have a fairly close relationship with them but not so close that they were around every single day. most of the time, we went to visit them instead of the other way around, and i can remember asking to go with them when they went into town for something while we were visiting. and my mom usually let me. but i don't remember my grandparents randomly coming over and asking my mom if they could take me and my brother somewhere without her. they just weren't like that. they did volunteer to babysit when mom needed it, though.

my in-laws have a bad habit of treating max like he is their child instead of their grandchild. everything with them is too much, which makes me crazy. and then i feel guilty for getting annoyed with them and wishing they would back off. if they lived closer to us, they would be here every day. chad warned me when we got married that his mom was going to be exactly like ray's mother on 'Everybody Loves Raymond.' and to a certain extent, she is. but i think she tries really hard not to be, which is probably why i feel guilty that she drives me crazy.

all of this was brought on by an unexpected visit from the in-laws on saturday. they called while i was in the shower that morning to say, "surprise, we're coming to mobile today, and we want to take max to the flea market with us." it really threw me for a loop. for several reasons.

1. it was completely out of the blue.
   
2. chad just took max to their house last saturday while i was at the graduate student symposium at the DISL. i guess they feel differently, but they don't need to see him every single weekend. we have other things to do.
   
3. the following day was easter. so they were going to see him then. i understand that they like max and that they want to spend time with him. but they don't seem to understand that they are not his only relatives and that other people want to spend time with him, too.
4. i am just not comfortable sending my toddler off anywhere without at least one of his parents. i am ok with leaving him at a friend or relative's house for a while, though. i don't care if that's rational or not.
5. in my head, i already had a plan for the day, and apparently i don't deal well with unexpected changes to my schedule. especially annoying ones. i think if they'd given us at least a day's notice, i would have handled things better.
6. i did not let max go with them, so they came over to our house for a while before they went to the flea market. hoping i would change my mind and let them take him. they kept making little comments about it the whole time they were here.
   

i can't seem to make myself not get annoyed at something every time we're around the in-laws. and it's always just little things that piss me off, so i guess that's my problem. but i can only deal with so many little things.

things they've done recently that totally hit me the wrong way:

• constantly distracting max while he is eating. talking to him very animatedly and waving toys in front of him while he's having lunch doesn't make getting him fed easy.
• little off-hand comments that don't really matter now but might when max gets older and really understands what they're saying. things to the effect of, "if you don't like what mommy does, you can come stay with us. call us anytime and we'll come get you." that is never going to happen.
• they bought him a life jacket. because they assume that they will be taking my very small child fishing. on a boat. without his parents. maybe when he's older. as in, school age. not anytime soon.
• grabbing max and taking him outside without a word. they have done this at our house and theirs. they did it yesterday. they just decided to take him outside to hunt easter eggs in their yard without waiting for chad and me. i was in the process of looking for max's sunglasses, and chad was fixing something on their computer. at their request.
• letting their enormous dog (a bull mastiff) run around with max. they usually grab the dog and put him on a leash when we pull up so he won't jump on us. but it's fine if he's loose when max is running around outside? i don't think so. most of the time, he's pretty calm, but he has his moments, and the fear of the dog bowling max over and accidentaly hurting him is not irrational.
• acting like they have to buy everything for max. they go completely overboard. all the time. not just holidays and birthdays. they sent 3 outfits home with max last weekend. they had just given him a whole box of clothes (in the same size) at his birthday. and they have no idea what they have already bought for max. they have bought multiples of the same outfit in the same size on more than one occassion. at a certain point, the amount of stuff they buy becomes incredibly wasteful. they have bought 6 pairs of shorts and 10 shirts for max in the same size over the last two months. we already buy clothes for max. and toys. gifts are fine, but it's always just too much. they never ask what max already has or what he needs. they just buy mass quantities of stuff. the couple of times i have told them something that he needs, they either don't get it or get it later when we don't need it anymore (i.e., when i said we needed 12 month size pajamas and they waited three months to buy them, when max was starting to outgrow them). they just buy whatever they want, wasting money and whatever they bought. i've returned what i can, and i'm sending other things to the goodwill.
  
• stocking their house with the little veggie bowls and stuff that i sometimes get for max. they don't seem to understand that he's not going to be there often enough to justify special purchases unless they're planning on using them too. plus, max usually eats what we eat. and i always take back-up toddler food anyway.

chad says that sometimes his parents feel a little awkward hanging out with max at our house, and i can sort of understand that. but at the same time, i don't think that they should feel free to do whatever they please with him. maybe i'm weird, and other people think that grandparents have the right to do whatever they want to with their grandkids. but to tell the absolute truth, i don't want them to feel like they can come over anytime they want to and take max. and that is not the same as saying that i don't want them to see max. i want max to know his relatives and love them. but they should not have the same responsibilities and privileges with him that his parents do. there should be boundaries.

So Many Things...

wow, it's been a long time, dudes. there are SO MANY THINGS i have wanted to blog about lately, but i just have not had the time since i went back to work. well, since i started going back to the lab, anyway. max goes to the lab with me on thursdays and fridays, and that's working out really well - he's pretty much been a perfect little angel while i do what i have to do, and i've even avoided any screaming fits during diaper changes while we're there. actually, he's never pitched a screaming fit when i've changed him in public - ever. i know, i'm as surprised as you are.

since i don't have time for details, here are the highlights of what i've wanted to blog about for the past few weeks:

• while he has not actually outgrown anything yet, max is probably going to outgrow one of his sleepers and two pairs of his newborn size pants soon
• max is getting huge - he is hovering somewhere near 11 lbs now - i'll know exactly how much he weighs next wednesday when i take him for his 2 month checkup.
  
• here's a picture of him napping in his swing, taken about 5 minutes ago.
  

• see? i told you so - huge.
• ignore the fact that both those pants and that t-shirt are size newborn.
• i am about to stop buying newborn diapers, although they do still fit him
• i am afraid that if i go buy two more weeks worth of newborn diapers, he will outgrow them suddenly, and i will be stuck with 80-160 newborn diapers
• plus, size 1 diapers don't completely swallow him anymore
• and we have 3 packs of size 1 diapers that we've had since before he was born
• but we haven't used any yet because until now they've been massively huge on him
• and pee cannot be contained in a massively huge diaper

some more stuff, not directly related to max (but still sort of in the max ballpark), that i've also been dying to vent about:

• my MIL loves max to death
• but she kind of makes me crazy
• because she doesn't listen
• i don't want other people to 'clean' my house
• especially when 'cleaning' just involves taking some stuff from one place and putting it in another place
• then i can't find anything
• because it's not where i put it
• eat my food, watch my tv, read my books, play with my baby, feed my baby, change my baby, put my baby down for a nap or two (on his back, NOT his tummy)
  
• that's what i want you to do when you're alone in my house watching my kid
  
• closed doors = don't go in there
• right?
• you know that, don't you?
• then why do some people think that just because they're alone in your house watching your kid (which is much appreciated) they can go into rooms and do things that they wouldn't do if you were home?
• rooms with closed doors
• the road to hell is paved with good intentions
• and good intentions are driving me crazy
• my MIL brings MORE STUFF for max EVERY WEEK when she comes over to baby-sit
• our house is not that big
• max is too young to know what the stuff is or to appreciate that it is for him, and he's rapidly accumulating more stuffed animals than i know what to do with
• i should never have told her i like monkeys
• she's really gone overboard with the monkeys
• she will buy anything if it has a monkey on it, regardless of whether we need it or already have two of them
• i don't like things whose sole purpose is taking up space and looking cute
• if my kid is going to wear a special holiday outfit, i want to be the one to pick it out
• she had her kid, and therefore her chance to dress him in special outfits
  
• max is NOT her kid
• he is MINE
• and i am a possessive bee-otch
• i like things a CERTAIN WAY
• and i don't take it well when that certain way is messed with
• babies need naps
• sometimes they don't want to take naps
• and they get cranky
• so sometimes you just have to hold and rock a baby for forever to make him take a nap
• because staying awake ALL DAY?
• does NOT help him sleep at night
• it actually makes the sleeping thing harder for him
• and i'm the one who gets to deal with the cranky baby who can't stay asleep
• so when i say the baby needs to take naps during the day or go to bed around 9:00, he really does need to
• he will be cranky at 9:00 because he's had a long day with someone in his face talking all day, and he needs to wind down
• so you have to walk around with him and talk to him in a soft and soothing voice until he falls asleep
• letting him stay awake until 11:00 because playing with him keeps him happier than putting him to sleep doesn't make the putting him to sleep any easier
• it actually just makes it that much harder because it's two hours later, and now mommy can barely hold her eyes open and doesn't really have the patience or the energy to put the cranky baby to sleep - and it means that mommy gets less sleep than she otherwise would
• and mommy needs every minute of sleep she can possibly manage
  
• so the baby? he needs to go to bed around 9:00. or even 8:00 if he seems sleepy then.
• i really do know what i'm talking about
• because i do this EVERY DAY