the sometimes senseless ravings (and the occassional rant) of an aspiring marine ecologist who may enjoy killing things a little too much

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

What's a Girl Supposed to Do?

phone calls in the middle of the night are never good, and last night when my phone rang at 11:30, i immediately expected bad news. but for some reason it still came as a shock. my granny died last night. she had a major heart attack, and she wasn't strong enough to survive it.

we thought she was getting better. there was talk of releasing her from the hospital soon, and they had moved her out of ICU. my mom returned home sunday night, and now she feels incredibly guilty and is taking this very hard. they're planning to move my granny back down here for the funeral. no word yet on when that will be.

my mom keeps telling me to go ahead and go to philadelphia and not to worry about everything, but i feel so damn guilty about it. i wish i knew something about when the funeral will be. i hate funerals. hate them. but this is one that i feel a strong sense of obligation to go to. my granny has been there my whole life, and she always seemed so strong. i can't really get my ahead around the fact that she's just not going to be there anymore.

fuck.

3 comments:

Jamie said...

Hold on there girl. I know its hard. I lost my grandmother a month ago when she was going in to have her leg removed, but no one expected her to die.
As how to except she's gone, well, I can't give you any advice there, I still haven't excepted my mom being gone. However, you are strong and you will keep going and you never forget, and isn't that what people say, that so long as you don't forget they are always there?
And maybe you should go to Philly, I think it may help you by keeping life on course.
I am still around, rarely, but I am, so if you want to talk, just email me. :|

Deva said...

Hey Girl!!

Sorry I just read your email. I know everything seems hard now, but things will get better. If you need me for anything just give me a call and I will be there for you in a heart beat.

Let me know if you need anything at all.

Love ya!!!

Holly said...

I am so sorry to read this post. I wish the best for you and your family. They say grad school is the best of times because it means building a life, but also the worst of times, because of all the older family members you lose during those years. I have no doubt you can handle the bad times and can hold on to the good times.

Take care.