the sometimes senseless ravings (and the occassional rant) of an aspiring marine ecologist who may enjoy killing things a little too much

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Retail Therapy

so, i'm not sure if you've noticed, but i've been in sort of a funk lately. like, i have had nothing to say (thus the utter lack of blogging) and no drive to do anything but sit on my couch and stare at the tv. not actually watch, as in pay attention to and possibly find the humor in the random shows that are on during the day, but just stare at the tv while my mind is someplace else. i don't know where my mind is exactly, but whatever this limbo might be, it's not good for me. i am not thinking happy thoughts.

so anyway, i've found that shopping alleviates some of my blahs. plus, i really needed new jeans. with the exception of my ass jeans (you know, the ones i bought around christmas with vanessa), all my pants are kind of raggedy. so, over the past couple of days, i've bought three new pairs of jeans, a pair of cords, a bunch of tank tops from old navy, a purse, and these awesome gray and pink converse all stars. so, i've officially spent all of the money that i can afford to spend for a while (though all of that loot costed me less than $100 - ross is a great store; where else can you find a cute pair of levi's for $12.99?), and now i'm thinking about new summer clothes. all of my shorts are kind of raggedy, too. the high-70's temps today are making me think of summer already. i love this weather. i love walking out of my apartment at 9:00 in the morning to a lovely 70 degrees and lots of sunshine. but not even this absolutely gorgeous weather is helping my mood any. blah.

yesterday i had lunch with lindsey. we haven't seen much of each other this semester. she's been crazy busy, taking her comprehensive exams for her master's degree, writing her thesis (she defends next month), and planning her wedding (which is happening this summer). it was good to see her. we sat in foosackly's for like an hour and a half talking about science, old roommates, comps, and a million other things. it reminded me of how i should be writing my prospectus (but i haven't started it yet) and how i needed to read 6 journal articles for class today (which i didn't). i dropped her back at USA so she could get some work done for her seminar, and i was going to go back home and read the papers for class today, but on the way, i decided to go shopping instead. i went to old navy, but i didn't find much of anything that spoke to me. so i went to ross, where lots of things spoke to me, particularly those converse all stars i mentioned earlier. then i went home and watched the last two epidodes of passions. so i haven't read any of the papers for my class today, except the one i have to present. damn, with the way i've been feeling lately, i'm lucky i read the paper i have to talk about. i seriously hope this a menstrual thing and not some deep-seated emotional issue. and maybe i'll wake up tommorrow feeling as cheerful as ever.

so for now, i'm sitting here half-watching shall we dance?, wondering what time my fisheries oceanography class is meeting this afternoon. i honestly don't know. oh wait. nevermind. charlie just emailed me. we're meeting at 2:00. sometimes we meet at 1:00, and since i have a presentation today, showing up at 2:00 when class started at 1:00 would have been a bad thing.

one day, mr. prospectus, you will be written... one day soon, i swear. probably not today, but next thursday, i'll go spend some quality time in the library. seriously.

does anyone else find that thinking too far ahead is completely overwhelming? that the thought of everything you have to do in the next few months makes you want to curl up under the covers and hide from the world like a little kid hiding from the monster in his closet? well, i've got a lot of stuff coming up, and it's pretty overwhelming. but instead of tackling everything head-on, as usual i'm putting it off as long as possible and trying (unsuccessfully) to pretend it doesn't exist.

you might think because of what i just wrote that my current despondency can be solely attributed to graduate school blues, but it's really not. i'm just having trouble sorting everything else out. oh, and just so you don't go there, the issues aren't marital, either. chad and i are fine. this is more of a me dealing with myself when i'm alone thing. i'm sure that vegging and watching tv aren't helping me with that any, but don't you just want to wallow sometimes? even when you aren't really sure what you're wallowing in?


Vanessa Mae said...

The pink and gray converse all stars? REALLY? You got them? *loving sigh* You must wear them to the game Friday Night. They are oh so pretty.

I understand what you're going through. I went through it this past weekend when I did absolutely nothing on my take home final. All I did was sit on my bed, play on the laptop, and watch Rent. I just couldn't come up with anything to write. I couldn't force myself to do it. Hence the searching for inspiration entry.

It'll come to you though. In an epiphany-like way. Then you'll get on a roll. I believe you will.

latina marie said...

thanks for the vote of confidence. i'm going to do some serious work on my propsectus next week.

yeah, the shoes are pretty. i'll wear them tonight just for you.